Financial Advice

Once upon a time, while we were still married, I was preparing to leave for a long business trip.  In doing so I was trying to get Moronica up to speed on the bills so she could take care of them while I was gone.

Me: I went ahead and paid the bills we had so you won't have to worry about them.  So you'll just need to pay whatever comes in after I leave.
She: They're all due at once?
Me: Well, no.  We could wait until the last possible moment to maximize our average daily account balance but I figured the little bit of interest we would earn isn't worth the potential late fees and such, so I went ahead and paid them.
She: I wish you wouldn't do that. I have my own system of paying the bills when they're due.
Me: Uh, okay, but now they shouldn't have to enter your system since they're already paid.
She: I just can't believe you pay the bills when you get them.
Me: Right, well I did.  I'll try to be more considerate of your system next time.  Oh, while I'm thinking about it, I paid off the credit cards online so you won't have to pay those bills when they get in . . . or when they're due.
She:  You paid off the credit cards?!?!!?!  Why?
Me: . . . because we had the money and I'd rather not pay 28% interest on money that's only earning .1% . . . I don't get it.  Why are you upset now?
She: God!!! Don't you know you don't have to pay more than the minimum payment?!!?!?!!?

Years later she would meet my girlfriend (whom I did later marry) and tell her the sad story of how I paid bills when they were received and paid off credit cards as a cautionary tale.

The players

First, introductions.  My name is Phil and I was married to (we'll call her) Moronica for almost two years.  We had a son together a couple of years before we got married.  After getting drunk one night I decided to try to do right by our son so I called Moronica from the bar to propose over the phone.   Ladies, please contain your orgasms.

So obviously I'm pretty awesome.  This leads perfectly into how I had been telling Moronica for quite some time that she was, for the most part, a horrible judge of character.  Obviously she refused to accept that.  I mean, who wants to hear (and be able to agree) that they tend to gravitate toward absolutely terrible human beings.  But for your sake, let me outline the people she chose to surround herself with.  Within one year of moving to a new state she had become best friends with:

1) & 2) Mr. & Mrs. Abusive - Physically and Verbally, the perfect couple. They abused the shit out of each other (so I guess it was a match made . . . . somewhere) and there were three kids involved.  It got so bad that their three teenagers regularly asked to spend the night with our two year old.
3) Old Madam Cokehead - who was at least 15 years older than us, and whom Moronica insisted we call on to babysit for us (before I knew about the cokehead part).
4) Screaming Supermom - She "dedicated her life" to her kids but was only able to talk to them while yelling angrily and for some reason couldn't get her one year old to "let" her change his diaper.
5) The Boyfriend - "Your wife and I are just friends"... but I will come over to your house every day after you leave for work and will always leave five minutes before you get home. Obviously this is the guy that ultimately led to the end of our marriage.

To recap, that's FIVE terrible people in one year.  How many new people do you get close to in one year?  I bet it's not five and even if it is I bet at LEAST one is a decent person.